What to write in your Christmas Card - from jokes to quotes!

by Claire Senior

You’ve put it off for too long but now the moment is here. The kids/other-half/dog/cat have left you alone for 5 minutes. You have your drink of choice in front of you. You’ve got your Christmas cards out on the table in front of you (from our collection I hope, but hey, not judging!) You have your list of addresses all together. You have your other list of who sent you a card last year. You have enough second-class stamps to post a small elephant. You have the fancy fine-liner gold and silver pens from Wilkos.

You open your first card, pen poised in readiness as you contemplate the bon mots to write… and



Uh oh. 

You got nothing….

You’ve drawn a complete mental blank, or at least your head’s an empty page if you’re anything like me because the very same thing happens to me. every. year! So, to get you (and me) out of a pickle, here are a few Christmas card inscriptions, some that have been tried and tested over the years, some completely new and some I’ve shamelessly stolen from friends. If I find enough things to document, I might even organise the inscriptions by category, if I don’t, the rest of this article will just be a long list of rambling festive thoughts. Enjoy!

Firstly, one of my favourites:

  • I don’t always write Christmas cards, but when I do, I write the same thing in all of them.

And now for the rest:

  • Merry everything and a happy always
  • Whatever is beautiful, whatever is meaningful, whatever brings you happiness. . .May it be yours this holiday season and throughout the coming year
  • May this Christmas end the present year on a cheerful note and make way for a fresh and bright New Year.
  • May the closeness of friends and the comfort of home, renew your spirits this Christmas
  • One of the real joys this holiday season is the opportunity to say thank you and wish you the very best for the new year
  • You have a permanent place on my Nice List (and I don’t even have to check twice)
  • Wishing you a sleigh-ful of Christmas cheer, not just for the holidays but for the whole coming year
  • A little more sparkle, a little less stress. This Christmas, I wish you the very best.
  • May you have a December to remember
  • This Christmas, may your heart be light and your stocking heavy.
  • All I want for Christmas is more friends like you.
  • Enjoy this season of unbridled consumerism, nonsensical customs, and rampant overeating.
  • I hope the love of family keeps you warm on these cold December nights. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and yours

Maybe you want to include a corny joke in your card. Here’s the best of the worst I’ve found or heard over the years:

  • What athlete is warmest in winter? A long jumper!
  • Why will leaving the EU make Christmas dinner better? No Brussels!
  • Which famous playwright was terrified of Christmas? Noel Coward!
  • Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? Because they were two deer!
  • What do you get if you cross a Christmas tree with an iPad? A pineapple!
  • Who forgets to put on his underpants, then goes out to deliver presents? Saint Knicker-less!
  • How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? Nothing – it was on the house!

Or you might want to include a Christmas quote in your card. Here are a few of my favourites:

  • There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus – Bob Phillips
  • Santa Claus had the right idea. Visit people only once a year – Victor Borge
  • You can tell a lot about a person by the way they handle three things: a rainy day, lost luggage and tangled Christmas tree lights – Maya Angelou
  • Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help – Andy Borowitz
  • A perfectly managed Christmas correct in every detail is a sure sign of someone who hasn’t enough to do – Katherine Whitehorn
  • My ability to turn holiday joy into anxiety is rivalled only by my ability to turn anxiety into weight gain – Smug Lemur
  • Holiday lights should be festive while at the same time not encouraging aircraft to land – Charles Lake
  • I’m excited to go home for the holidays because it’s been exhausting finishing my own sentences all year – Elizabeth Hackett
  • A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together – Garrison Keillor

Got any quotes, jokes or greetings that you think we should add to our list? Drop us a line at hello@thecuriouspancake.co.uk and if we love them, we'll add them!

Don’t feel like writing your own Christmas cards this year? Then help is at hand! At The Curious Pancake we offer a hand-written card service for all of our greeting cards, and that goes for the Christmas cards too! 

Check out our Christmas Card selection and let us do the writing and sending! Every little delegation helps at this time of the year, don't you think!?

Wishing you a relaxing festive season filled with food and quality hibernation! - Claire @Pancake HQ