Genital-Wagglingly Massive Greeting Card

Genital-Wagglingly Massive Greeting Card - illustrated by Claire Senior at The Curious Pancake

When I used to work in a card shop in my youth I would never understand the people who would come in to buy those huge, table-sized Valentine's Day greeting cards. Bigger is better? I doubt it in this case! I mean, who has a shelf or mantelpiece that can support one of those giant things?? And worse still are those old-fashioned padded, cushiony Valentine's cards... urgh! So for all you "normal" people out there, who want your card to be appreciated for the sentiment, rather than the size, this card is for you. It also has some nice, funny long words on it, and is something of a tongue twister!

This greeting card is professionally printed in the UK onto FSC-certified 350gsm luxury matt card. It comes plastic-free with a cream envelope

Card size (A6): 105mm x 148mm

We ship UK wide and globally (Sorry, we cannot currently ship to the EU).

Shipping costs for 1-2 cards:

 We ship orders daily, Monday through Friday (our daily cutoff for posting out is 11am), except on bank and national holidays.

Royal Mail First Class

If you have placed your order before 11am on a weekday, your order will normally be shipped the same day. Over 80% of all Royal Mail first class post arrives the next working day, however this is not a guaranteed or tracked service, and sometimes it will take a little longer.

Royal Mail Second Class

If you place your order before 11am on a weekday, your order will normally be shipped the same day. Second class post takes 2-5 days to be delivered. This is not a guaranteed or tracked service and mail can sometimes take longer to arrive at its destination. 

Next Day Special Delivery (UK Only) 

If you place your order before 11am (Monday-Thursday) and select Next Day Delivery, you order will arrive with your recipient, guaranteed, before 1pm the next working day. Please note that someone has to be in to sign for the package. This service does not operate on Bank Holidays or weekends.

FREE Postage

When you select the FREE postage option at checkout, your order will be sent by untracked second-class Royal Mail.

Local Pick-Up

Local to Nottingham NG15 8HT and want to pick your order up from us? That's great! Please follow these instructions:

• At checkout, please type free shipping code: OnlyValidForLocalPickUp into the coupon box. If you use this code and you're not local, someone will contact you for postage costs before your order ships.
• Once your order is marked as dispatched, you can pick it up from our address: 3, Olympia Way, Hucknall, NG15 8HT.
• Pick-up is available Monday, Wednesday and Friday between 5-7pm. If you need to pick up your order outside these times, please let me know as this can often be accommodated!
• We will bring your order out to you and maintain social distancing if the climate requires it!
• If you're a cheeky sausage and use the local pick up code and you're not local, someone will contact you for postage payment. 

A signature is not required for deliveries apart from:

If UK customers order Next Day Special Delivery. A signature is required for this delivery. We may send orders over £60 by recorded delivery.

General Delivery Terms

Where possible, all our orders are dealt with on a daily basis, so turnaround for delivery within the UK will usually be within 3-5 days, often sooner. Europe delivery time should be 7-10 days and the Rest of the World delivery should be 2-3 weeks. All UK orders should be received within 21 days and International orders within 4 weeks. In the instance that an item is out of stock the customer will be informed and given further options.

For more in-depth shipping and returns info, please visit Shipping and Returns

Do you really handwrite the messages?

Yes, with a pen and good old human handwriting skills! No computer fonts here! We're huge aficionados of snail mail and keeping in touch, and we feel that nothing is more personal than a heartfelt handwritten message.  Click on the greeting card you wish to purchase, choose your sending option from the drop-down menu and write your message in the box that appears underneath.

Posting orders daily - through flood, drought and pandemics!

We post your handwritten cards daily, Monday to Friday, globally. In a hurry? We can send your card by Royal Mail's Next Day Delivery service. Choose this option at checkout and place your order before 11am (Monday - Thursday). Saturday Guaranteed is also available for a little extra fee; please make sure you use this option on Friday before 11am if you need your item(s) super quickly!

How many words can I write?

The character limit for each greeting card is 280. Don't worry about having to count your characters, there's a counter in the corner of the box that will show you how many letters you have left.

Is there a cost for this service?

Yes, it's £2.00 on top of your card cost. We make every effort to write your card as beautifully as possible and, as you might imagine, this is not a process you can rush :)

I want to send more than one handwritten card to different addresses. Can I do that?

Absolutely. At the checkout, select the "Ship to multiple addresses" option where you'll be able to add a new address under each of your chosen cards. 

Please make sure your recipient will know who the card is from, as it is posted to them without any other order details. Please also ensure your message adheres to our terms and conditions of personalisation. (basically, don't be a mean old rotter).

Can you send cards abroad?

Yes! We can send handwritten cards anywhere in the world that has an address. Lots of our customers love to use our handwritten card service for loved ones living overseas; it takes the hassle out of making sure you have the right stamp and waiting in the post office queue!

What does your handwriting look like?

It looks like a joyful riot of beautifully readable cursive penmanship in the best Parker-Jotter-handwriting we can muster! We always write in black biro, and we take our time to get your message perfect. If you make a small spelling error, we tend to correct it; if it's a bigger mistake or we're not sure you meant to write what you did, we'll always contact you before writing your message. Here's a close-up of some of Claire's writing: